What do you think about Mashable? Take a quick survey to let us know!

I am a real human and I support Mark Zuckerberg for Human President of Earth's United States of America

Mark Zuckerberg, founder of the popular Faced Book is my choice, and the right choice, to be Human President of this great sub-realm of Earth
By Tyler Schmall  on 
I am a real human and I support Mark Zuckerberg for Human President of Earth's United States of America
WASHINGTON, DC - SEPTEMBER 18: Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg speaks at the Newseum September 18, 2013 in Washington, DC. Zuckerberg participated in an interview with James Bennet, editor in chief of the Atlantic, on "the knowledge economy", including Zuckerberg's involvement in the immigration debate. (Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images) Credit: Getty Images

Hello I support Normal Human Man Mark Zuckerberg to be Human President.

Mark Zuckerberg, founder of the popular Faced Book is my choice, and the right choice, to be Human President of this great sub-realm of Earth, known handsomely as the United States and America.

Hello I humanly choose to ignore rumors about Mark Zuckerberg being some sort of alien, whose status on Earth and imminent campaign are a strategic ploy by some sort of extra-terrestrial race, say like some Jupiter-dwelling species called the Zorlocks, a polymorphous species that can take any shape at will, to take over your planet of Earth from the inside.

That is not our intention.

I mean…that would not be this FICTIONAL alien species’ intention, I’m sure.

They certainly have not used the popular internet site Faced Book as a database of every human on Earth and have no intention to use the intel they gathered to harm you. Harm us, I mean...

Mashable Light Speed
Want more out-of-this world tech, space and science stories?
Sign up for Mashable's weekly Light Speed newsletter.
By signing up you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.
Thanks for signing up!

When I see Mark Zuckerberg use his normal human body to visit other humans and eat such human delicacies as toasted bread, it warms whichever organ of mine that is most responsible for human emotion.

Hello his platform of “sending humans to Jupiter to toil in its underground metallic hydrogen caves” is an honorable position, and once again, has nothing to do with some sort of Jupiter-dwelling alien species trying to take over your planet of Earth. Our planet of Earth.

Mark Zuckerberg is the most normal human to have ever ran for president of Earth’s United State. He breathes oxygen through his lungs, digests carbon, and the like. He speaks through the vibrations of his Vocal Cords very normally.

Mashable Image
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg (with Facebook's Public Policy Communications manager Andrew Noyes) about to speak to media after a meeting with MIT faculty on the MIT campus on November 7, 2011. (Photo by Rick Friedman/Corbis via Getty Images) Credit: Corbis via Getty Images

When I go to my career every day, all of my fellow humans at my career always communicate positively about Mark Zuckerberg. They say that Mork Zuckerberg is the great popular choice for president.

Despite evidence to the contrary, Malk Zuckerberg’s knees bend the correct normal way, and this is what qualifies him to be Earth president the most.

Hello Human Man Mork Zuckerberg would run for human president in Earth year 2020. Wouldn’t you be pleased to join me in vote in favor of him?

Thanks for reading Mashable Humor: original comedy every day. Or most days. We're people, just like you, and we're trying our best.

Topics Facebook

Mashable Image
Tyler Schmall

Tyler Schmall is a humor writer based in NYC and a friend of yours. You can follow him on Twitter @tylerschmall where he has been known to post "tweets."


Recommended For You
How to watch United States vs. Bolivia online for free
Christian Pulisic of the United States drives the ball

How to watch Panama vs. United States online for free
Christian Pulisic of United States celebrates

How to watch United States vs. Uruguay online for free
Christian Pulisic of United States celebrates

How to watch United States vs. Canada online for free
Detailed view of the match day stumps

How to watch United States vs. Pakistan online for free
USA Cricket Vice-Captain Aaron Jones taps a ball with a bat next to a giant T20 marketing cricket ball

More in Tech
Microsoft says it's killing the 39-year-old Windows Control Panel
My PC window for PC



Amazon deal of the day: Our favorite starter soundbar, the Sonos Ray, is down to a new record-low price
Sonos soundbar and speaker, Coleman grill, Anker charger, and Echo Pop speaker with blue gradient background

When is the next Prime Day? We now know it's this October.
a man holding amazon boxes against a blue background filled with confetti

Trending on Mashable
NYT Connections today: See hints and answers for August 23
A phone displaying the New York Times game 'Connections.'

Wordle today: Here's the answer hints for August 23
a phone displaying Wordle

Stephen Colbert has the perfect response to Trump's post about Walz being an 'assistant coach'
A man in a suit stands on a stage with his arms wide. At the bottom of the image is a screenshot from Truth Social of a post from Donald Trump.

Jon Stewart brutally roasts Fox News' reaction to the DNC
A man in a suit behind a talk show desk masks a mocking gesture. In the top-left is an image of another man.

The biggest stories of the day delivered to your inbox.
This newsletter may contain advertising, deals, or affiliate links. Subscribing to a newsletter indicates your consent to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. You may unsubscribe from the newsletters at any time.
Thanks for signing up. See you at your inbox!